There is much literature on how to parent challenging children
these days. Unfortunately much of that literature does not
typically address the child with special parenting needs and a
special parenting understanding. A child that has been diagnosed
with reactive attachment disorder, oppositional defiant
disorder,or even depression, requires an understanding not of
the behavior itself, but rather of the underlying dynamics
driving the behavior. Take for example the analogy of an
iceberg. Typically when we refer to an iceberg we are referring
to what we see above the surface. However, 90% of every iceberg
is invisible, lying under the surface. What you consider to be
an iceberg is really only the tip. It’s an overwhelming thought
when considering how enormous an iceberg is above the surface.
Imagine the other 90% lurking underneath.
Negative behaviors demonstrated by children are much the same.
Whereas we may attempt to remove an iceberg by hacking away from
the top down, we will only be spending endless time and energy
focusing on the smallest aspect of the iceberg. When we
encourage parents to only focus on alleviating behavior through
simple behavior modification charts, boot camp tactics, or
logical consequences, we are actually missing the most important
part of the behavior. Typically a focus just on the behavior may
eliminate the behavior for a while to only see it return another
day with greater intensity. Specific parenting steps can be
taken to effectively help reduce problem behaviors in a rapid
period of time. The steps will not be easy to implement, however
with a firm resolve to stay the course the effectiveness of each
approach is guaranteed to be effective.
The Stress Model
Stress plays a vital role in everything that we do. As an
internal experience we rely on stress daily to stay alive, and
engage the outside world. In addition, we rely on stress to
fight illness, digest food, and recover from difficult times.
Just to laugh is to experience a state of stress. In considering
parenting techniques for severe behavior we will be relying on a
theory of human behavior called the Stress Model. The Stress
Model is a very simple theory of behavior that says, “All
behavior arises from a state of stress and in between the
behavior and the stress is the presence of one of two primary
emotions: Love or Fear. It is through the expression,
processing, and understanding of the emotion that we can calm
the stress and diminish the behavior.
Very important point:There are only two primary emotions
–love and fear. Anger is not a primary emotion. It is a
feeling that is secondary to the bodily experience of fear. A
fear experience can occur through any of the sensory pathways.
Through what you see, hear, touch, smell, taste, and even the
temperature of your body. The experience of both stress and fear
is cellular. It occurs unconsciously. You won’t always know what
causes fear or stress. If you are seeing anger, rage, jealousy,
and more it is arising from fear, rather than the anger. Love is
the space between two people. It is always present and surrounds
us each day. The only thing that keeps us out of love is our
fear. Since the presence of love is natural, it is up to us to
put fear aside and step into the presence of love. You may have
heard it said, “Perfect love casts out all fear,” or “Love and
fear cannot co-exist.”We have calmly come to perceive as love is
only fear in disguise. Most often times we do not see this
because we fail to see our own fear the majority of the time.
When talking about the specific severe behaviors, it will be
important to remember the fear and stress they create in the
parent first. If you try to overcome fear by creating more fear,
you only make fear greater.
Action exercise:
Try to see fear in actions between you and your child for one
full week. You’ll be amazed. Visit www.postfamilysystem.com
a> and www.parentingthead
optedchild.com to learn more!
Copyright© 2006 Dr. Bryan Post. All rights reserved.
What is Canaan, and why is it so important to discuss?
There are main line religions that denigh that Canaan is an eternal possession of Israel. The Vatican, which claims to be spiritual home to one billion of the world’s Christians, rejects the biblical stipulation granting everlasting possession of ancient Canaan, inclusive of Jerusalem, to the Jewish people. When this is taught they lie, weather knowing or unknowingly. This teaching is not scriptual and is actually against what the scriptures state.
The Bible teaches us everything that we know today of God and His word. The Land of Canaan was given to Israel for an eternal possession and it will be for eternity, for God cannot lie. This land has been fought over for over 4000 years, each new religion and nations wants to claim it for their own.
Many men have died fighting to possess it. The fight has already started, fulfilling prophecy; Will Jerusalem Be Divided?
The National Union response to the apparent decision:
“There is no limit to the cynicism and hypocrisy of the left wing, led by the Kadima Party.
On the one hand, they embrace Jerusalem, talking
about its historic importance and promise to keep it whole - and on the other hand, they allow Arabs of the eastern part to take part in Palestinian Authority elections. We will fight these defeatist trendsand make sure that Jerusalem will not be torn away from the Nation of
Israel.
“MK Sha’ul Yahalom (National Religious Party) said, “The government is giving ammunition to those who want to divide Jerusalem.” The extent and boundaries of Canaan are fully set forth in different parts of Scripture (Gen-10:19; Gen-17:8; Num-13:29; Num-34:8).
Canaan is an ancient term for a region roughly corresponding to present-day Israel/ Palestine including the West Bank, western Jordan, southern and coastal Syria and lebanon continuing up until the border of modern Turkey.
In Genesis 17:7-8, We see the proof that Canaan is an eternal possession of Israel. This verse is what many want to ignore. “And I will establish my covenant between me and thee and thy seed after thee in their generations for an everlasting covenant, to be a God unto thee, and to thy seed after thee. And I will give unto thee, and to thy seed after thee, the land wherein thou art a stranger, all the land of Canaan, for an everlasting possession; and I will be their God.” Spoken by Jehovah(God) Lets take a closer look at this verse.
“I will establish my covenant.”
1. I-God.
2. Will-without a doubt.
3. Establish-To set and fix firmly or unalterably; to settle permanently,
4. My-God,
5. Covenant-A mutual consent or agreement of two or more persons, to do or to forbear some act or thing; a contract; stipulation, compact.
6. Everlasting-Lasting or enduring for ever; eternal; existing or continuing without end; immortal.
7. All the land of Canaan, All-Wholly; completely; entirely.
8. Possession-To give possession, to put in another’s power or occupancy.
This covenant was between the Children of Israel and Jehovah(God) as a binding contract for an eternal possession of the Land of Canaan for eternity. For the Land belonged to God and He has the right to do with what ever He created. The covenants and Laws that God had set down for Israel are permanent and must be carried out even unto the end. The possessors of the present land of Canaan will be over thrown and their gods, idols, temples and laws will be utterly burned and removed forever from that land and it will again be the possession of Israel.
This present day situation in Canaan is fulfillment of the prophetic word in; Luke 21:20. Jesus said of Jerusalem; “And when ye shall see Jerusalem compassed with armies, then know that the desolation thereof is nigh.” To fulfill this prophecy, Canaan must be in the illegal possession of strangers.
(Ref; Luke-21:7, Luke-19:43; Daniel-9:27; Matthew-24:15; Mark-13:14 )(M.H.)Many frightful sights shall be in the sun, moon, and stars, prodigies in the heavens, and here in this lower world, the sea and the waves roaring, with terrible storms and tempests, such as had not been known, and above the ordinary working of natural causes. The effect of this shall be universal confusion and consternation upon the earth, distress of nations with perplexity. Luke-21:25.
This is a part of the final fight over the Land of Canaan and Jerusalem. Be not deceived, The Land of Israel, as promised by God, will be made whole once again and no one will ever try to take this land again. Why is there such a fight over Jerusalem? For it is the Seat of authority over all Nations, he who possesses Jerusalem controls Religion in the World. This is The Seat and throne of David, Solomon and The Future Capitol City and Throne of Our Lord and Saviour Jesus the Christ.
Deu 12:1-4; These are the statutes and judgments, which ye shall observe to do in the land, which the LORD God of thy fathers giveth thee to possess it, all the days that ye live upon the earth.
Ye shall utterly destroy all the places, wherein the nations which ye shall possess served their gods, upon the high mountains, and upon the hills, and under every green tree:
And ye shall overthrow their altars, and break their pillars, and burn their groves with fire; and ye shall hew down the graven images of their gods, and destroy the names of them out of that place.
Ye shall not do so unto the LORD your God. Deu 27:9 And Moses and the priests the Levites spake unto all Israel, saying, Take heed, and hearken, O Israel; this day thou art become the people of the LORD thy God. In Deu 27:9, We see the official possession of the Children of Israel as the property and Children of God. The statutes(Decree, Law, Edict) and judgments(Decisions, Evaluation of conduct.) of God were set down to rule over the people and for obedience, the Children of Israel, were protected from extinction.
To end we must read the 2nd chapter of Zephaniah 2:1- 15; Gather yourselves together, yea, gather together, O nation not desired; Before the decree bring forth, before the day pass as the chaff, before the fierce anger of the LORD come upon you, before the day of the LORD’S anger come upon you.
Seek ye the LORD, all ye meek of the earth, which have wrought his judgment; seek righteousness, seek meekness: it may be ye shall be hid in the day of the LORD’S anger. For Gaza shall be forsaken, and Ashkelon a desolation: they shall drive out Ashdod at the noon day, and Ekron shall be rooted up.
Woe unto the inhabitants of the sea coast, the nation of the Cherethites! the word of the LORD is against you; O Canaan, the land of the Philistines, I will even destroy thee, that there shall be no inhabitant. And the sea coast shall be dwellings and cottages for shepherds, and folds for flocks.
And the coast shall be for the remnant of the house of Judah; they shall feed thereupon: in the houses of Ashkelon shall they lie down in the evening: for the LORD their God shall visit them, and turn away their captivity. I have heard the reproach of Moab, and the revilings of the children of Ammon, whereby they have reproached my people, and magnified themselves against their border. Therefore as I live, saith the LORD of hosts, the God of Israel, Surely Moab shall be as Sodom, and the children of Ammon as Gomorrah, even the breeding of nettles, and saltpits, and a perpetual desolation: the residue of my people shall spoil them, and the remnant of my people shall possess them.
This shall they have for their pride, because they have reproached and magnified themselves against the people of the LORD of hosts.
The LORD will be terrible unto them: for he will famish all the gods of the earth; and men shall worship him, every one from his place, even all the isles of the heathen. Ye Ethiopians also, ye shall be slain by my sword.
And he will stretch out his hand against the north, and destroy Assyria; and will make Nineveh a desolation, and dry like a wilderness.
And flocks shall lie down in the midst of her, all the beasts of the nations: both the cormorant and the bittern shall lodge in the upper lintels of it; their voice shall sing in the windows; desolation shall be in the thresholds: for he shall uncover the cedar work.
This is the rejoicing city that dwelt carelessly, that said in her heart, I am, and there is none beside me: how is she become a desolation, a place for beasts to lie down in! every one that passeth by her shall hiss, and wag his hand.(Ref; Rev. 18:10-19, Isa. 10:12-14, Isa. 22:2, Isa.47:7; Rev. 18:7-10)
Temple of Spirit & Truth Ministries
http://www.ourchurch.com/member/a/arsmithsermons/
Do you feel you are surrounded by debts on all sides and declaring bankruptcy is your only way out? Well, think again! There are several types of financing available that can help you get out of your financial crunch.
You can choose either of the following:
• Credit Counselling
• Debt Negotiation
• Secured Debt Consolidation Loans
• Unsecured Debt Consolidation Loans
Credit Counselling:
If you can’t figure out how to consolidate your debts, then you may consider the option of consulting a credit counsellor. A credit counsellor can give you an unbiased opinion of about your financial position. He can help you chalk out a debt management plan and also give you financial goals to achieve.
Debt Consolidation programs:
In this programs you approach a third-party agency, which in turn negotiates, with your creditors for a small fee. You pay this agency a certain amount every month. The agency then settles all your debts from this amount.
Secured Debt Consolidation Loans:
As the name suggests, a Secured Debt Consolidation Loan can be secured by pledging some form of collateral. A house is the most common form of collateral offered, although you can offer other assets like a commercial property, stocks etc.
This loan can be procured on reasonable interest rates. The debt to equity ratio decided the amount that can be lent to you in the form of a secured debt consolidation loan.
Unsecured Debt Consolidation Loans:
As opposed to secured loans, Unsecured Debt Consolidation Loans do not necessitate collateral. In other words, no physical assets except the borrower’s word back an unsecured debt consolidation loan. The absence of security is the major reason behind lenders levying high interest rates on unsecured debt consolidation loans.
This Loan operates in two ways:
• Lowers the interest rate as compared to what you are currently paying.
• Or lowers your monthly payments by extending your repayment period. But in this scenario you end up paying more in interest charges.
Get rid of those credit card bills:
Credit cards generally carry a very high rate of interest. To top it all, if you miss a payment on your credit cards, you can end up with an impossibly large debt with you. Now you can exchange all those outstanding bills with a single low interest loan.
Approach a lender:
Nowadays, availing an unsecured debt consolidation loan is not an arduous task. You no longer have to visit the lenders personally to negotiate a deal with them. You can easily receive free quotes by applying online. Doing so also gives you a chance to compare different offers and then select the one that most befits your circumstances. Before lending a loan, the lenders conduct a thorough background check giving due stress to your credit record.
Start paying off:
Once you get your loan sanctioned, start paying off your pending loans. Start with the one that imposes the highest interest rate and then take it from there. You now will have to worry about paying just one loan rather than several loans at the same time.
Although, credit cards are also considered a finance option for debt consolidation, yet due to the high interest that they incur they are not advised. However, unsecured debt consolidation loans are most popular because they do not tie your assets to any sort of obligations.
The author is a business writer specializing in finance and credit products and has written authoritative articles on the finance industry. He has done his masters in Business Administration and is currently assisting http://www.Adverse-credit-debt-consolidation.co.uk as a finance specialist.
Deik and Kim, remember that marriage is a COVENANT relationship. It is not merely a contract of convenience, nor a promise to live together as long as each still feels good about the other. It is a COVENANT to love and care for each other until parted by death, or until the coming of our Lord.
Throughout history, covenants have been made between Nations, between Kings and their subjects, between individuals (as in marriage), and even between God and Man. When such a covenant was established, there were rights and duties on both sides, and the covenants were sealed by gifts, by a kiss, by a handshake, or by the sharing of a common meal.
Today, as DEIK and KIM make their COVENANT of marriage to each other, you will see and enjoy these elements:
they will hold each other’s hands,
they will give each other their gifts of rings,
they will kiss to seal the covenant,
and they will invite you to share a meal together with them at the reception.
All because their Marriage is a covenant relationship of love and faith.
To put this in context, back in Genesis, after the Fall of Mankind, when God was declaring His judgments, and passing out the consequences for the deception and the sin, He pointed out that one of the consequences of a fallen human nature would be that husbands and wives would have conflict in their marriage relationships, as wife would seek to take over the husband’s leadership position, and the husband would respond to the challenge forcefully.
God pointed out to Eve, with Adam right there listening, that, “Your desire will be for your husband, but he will rule over you.”
Now our first thought might be that God is telling Eve that she will have a pure love and desire for her husband, but that he will be some cave man and just want to be the boss, ruling over his wife. But that is not the sense of what God is saying. God uses the exact same phrase, the same words, when he is speaking to Cain in Genesis Chapter Four and warns him that, “Sin is crouching at your door, and seeks to devour you, but you must master it.”
What God is saying to Eve is that she will seek to conquer her husband, but that he will respond by mastering, or ruling over her. As a consequence for their sin, they will not have the loving marriage relationship that God had originally intended for them to enjoy.
Now, fast forward several thousand years, and God gives us the remedy for this problem in marriage. In Ephesians chapters Four and Five, St. Paul gives us great instruction on how we should live in society as Christians, what our attitudes and behaviors should be, how we should treat each other.
He begins this section with these words, “I urge you to live a life worthy of the calling that you have received. Be 100% humble, and gentle. Be patient with each other and make allowances for each other’s faults because of your love. Always keep yourselves united in the Holy Spirit, and bind yourselves together with peace.”
He continues with other powerful, life-changing instructions. And then comes to the place of addressing this specific problem with marriages that we just talked about. God’s remedy for the problem caused by Eve’s self-centeredness, that the wife would “desire to conquer” her husband, is this…
Paul writes…
“Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.
“Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.”
Submission is God’s remedy for a heart that seeks to be in charge and be in control.
Then, Paul addresses the husband’s response of wanting to forcefully rule over his wife. God’s remedy for this is…
“Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and willingly suffered and died for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless.
His summary is…
“… each one of you husbands must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.
Paul is telling husbands that they are not to rule over their wives, but rather that a husband is to love his bride in the same way that Christ loves His Bride, the Church. And that each husband is to be preparing his bride for eternity in Heaven.
So Kim, I challenge you to not allow your “inner Eve” to try to conquer Deik, but instead willingly submit to him, in the same way that Christ submitted to the Father, and work with him as the partner and lover that God always intended a bride to be for her husband.
And Deik, I challenge you to love Kim with the same intensity of self-sacrificing love that Christ has for his bride, the Church - never seeking to dominate her, but rather always working to prepare Kim for eternity.
And I challenge you both as a couple, to use your marriage to bless others, and to proclaim to others that “God is Love.”
Douglas Cowan, Psy.D., is a family therapist who has been working with ADHD children and their families since 1986. He is the clinical director of the ADHD Information Library’s family of seven web sites, including http://www.newideas.net, helping over 350,000 parents and teachers learn more about ADHD each year. Dr. Cowan also serves on the Medical Advisory Board of VAXA International of Tampa, FL., is President of the Board of Directors for KAXL 88.3 FM in central California, and is President of NewIdeas.net Incorporated.
