Self-esteem is something that we all wish we had more of. Some of us go through our entire life feeling “self-esteem deficient”. The constraints placed on us by low self esteem can feel so impenetrable that we find ourselves shrinking back from our dreams and accepting something less than desirable. This often results in feelings of emptiness, sadness, deprivation and a life not fully lived.
Although a great deal has been written about the problem of self-esteem, here I wish to bring to light a new perspective that I trust will give you hope in freeing yourself from a life of quiet desperation. In order to begin this journey I ask you first to note that we have entitled this book “Esteem for the Self” and not “Self Esteem”. Before you read on please take a moment and observe for yourself, which of these terms feels most appealing to you.
Most people feel that the former i.e. “Esteem for the Self”, somehow sounds and feels better to them. Take another moment and see if you can determine why this is. As we move along in this journey I think the reasons will become increasingly clearer to you.
Now, I think you have already recognized that the expression “Esteem for the Self” is what most people call “Self-Esteem”. As we will discuss later we choose to reverse the order of the words for a very important reason. The term “Self-Esteem” usually connotes something you either have or don’t have enough of. It therefore implies that, if lacking, something went wrong somewhere in your life and that there is very little one can do to go back and change it.
This often leaves one feeling helpless, frustrated, angry and or feeling in someway defective. Unfortunately these feelings themselves aid only to further deplete self-esteem.
This is made clear by just allowing yourself to feel some or all of these feelings and then noticing what they do to your feelings about yourself. In all cases one experiences a further depletion in one’s self-esteem.
An interesting observation however emerges from this last exercise. That is that if these, so called negative emotions can make self esteem plummet, then is it possible that corresponding positive emotions can make self-esteem rise? Well let’s try it. Here are some positive emotions: joy, love, happiness, inner peace, feeling grateful and forgiveness.
Allow yourself, if you can, to feel some or all of these and notice how they make you feel about yourself. What did you notice happened to your self-esteem? Well if you were able to genuinely connect to any of these positive emotions I think you will readily see that not only did you feel better but you probably also felt better about yourself; that is your self esteem rose.
An interesting parallel is also observed between one’s level of self-esteem and the subjective experience of one’s energy level. If you observe what happens to your energy level as your self-esteem fluctuates, you will observe that energy goes up with self-esteem and vice-versa.
Another way of saying the same thing is that one feels lighter, more buoyant, more optimistic and more excited about life as self-esteem rises. Conversely one feels heavier, more weighed down, more tired and more pessimistic as self-esteem goes down.
So in effect, negative emotions appear to drain you of energy and positive emotions help to re-infuse you with energy. The energy we are talking about is what we call “vital life energy” or more simply the energy of life. So what is really happening then when your vital life energy is being drained from your life?
Well it means that the vital life energy that was meant to support you in living a full, healthy, happy life is disappearing. In other words there is less life in you as the energy becomes progressively depleted. Again another way of saying this is that you are aging or dying. So are you beginning to recognize the real impact of negative emotions on your life? How do you feel about it? Watch out for those negative emotions because they’ll get you every time!
(Kindly proceed to Part 2 of this article)
Nick Arrizza M.D. is an Energy Psychiatrist, Healer, Researcher, Speaker, developer of the powerful Mind Resonance Process(TM), and Author of “Esteem for the Self: A Manual for Personal Transformation” (avaialble at: http://www.telecoaching4u.com/ebook.htm) He holds international telecoaching and teleconference sessions on healing mind, body and spirit.
Even immediately after my car accident, every single person who saw me was pleasantly shocked at how “great” I looked. Funny how much a little concealer and a new hair style can
make anyone look fabulous.
One of my physicians confidently told me “there’s no ‘look’ for pain”. This wise woman also said “you can’t see muscular or neurological damage”.
Going through physical and neurological (inner ear disorder) therapy for months, I was in awe by anyone with broken bones. I constantly saw quicker recoveries for people with pins in their legs.
I also often wished for a pain in my butt, because I was sick of it being in my back, shoulder, knee, and head. And now, I found out that I may have joint problems too…yipee.
Anyways, I took my compliments pleasantly, and politely reminded them NOT to judge a book by its cover, even good ones.
Whenever I tried to wean into work, the effort to make myself presentable for a couple of hours with a crowded room filled with people was extremely difficult. Walking through noisy crowds gave me motion sickness. Unfortunately, the compliments often turned into “you look and sound GREAT” with a huff and a puff.
So, my constant rebuttal was “Wanna trade places?” with a smirk. They rarely asked for details, and assumed my life was just fine.
Yeah, writing my book “Empowering Women to Power Network” was fulfilling one of my dreams, but promoting it is a whole job in and of itself…something I’m not fully able to handle right now.
Hey, and you’re also right: I’m living my other dream of homsechooling my girls too (thanks for remembering).
Just so you know even up to this very day, my husband and I find new ways to vertigo-safety our house so I don’t faint or pass-out when I’m home alone with the girls. Our four-year old knows how to call 911, report our address, and use a cell phone…just in case.
Do I want sympathy? No way!
My point: I don’t wanna trade places with anyone.
So, I stopped asking that question when I realized I was just fueling sarcasm with more sarcasm. No doubt, I’ve always been a very sarcastic person, but to joke around may be fine…to pass judgment is not.
I don’t give a darn what people may think, because I have enough to worry about. Can you imagine not sitting too long in a chair because of back pain, or not standing too long because of your knee? Pretty annoying, huh?
But, I’m grateful for these conditions.
Consider some of these women who are within my own sphere
of influence:
- Having clinical depression that she would cry all day and night, be insomniac, paranoid, and can not physically get out of bed for days at a time.
- Having a restraining order against her hope-to-be X-husband for herself and three children because he abused them. She lives in fear and worry for all their safety.
- Being 35 years old and experiencing a car accident that only broke her hips, and then the day she was supposed to come home she died. Survived by this tragedy are her husband and four children: the youngest is three and oldest 14 years old.
All of this happened during my recovery these past eight months.
Do I feel blessed? You betcha.
No matter what you may see or feel about another person, just think: “Would you wanna trade places with that person when you have NO idea what their situation really is right now!?”
My answer is “No Way”, how ’bout you?
I didn’t think so.
(c) 2005 Ponn M. Sabra, MPH
Ponn M. Sabra, MPH is the Author of “Empowering Women to Power Network”. To learn more about her book and sign-up for FREE tips, articles and resources, visit her at http://www.empowerwomennow.com . Ponn is profiled in Marquis’ Who’s Who of America and Who’s Who of American Women.
I write and talk a lot about dreams. Primarily because I knowwe serve an awesome and amazing God, who gave us dreams for an awesome and amazing purpose. We all have a dream to do something great, go somewhere incredible, achieve the unachievable, beat the unbeatable or meet the “unmeetable.” Unfortunately, more often than not, most dreams remain unrealized; silenced by fear and doubt. What’s needed is a renaissance to recapture the spirit and belief we once had as children. We need to remind ourselves in all that we desire to be,have and do… “I can, if Ibelieve I can.”
My aim is toinspire as many people as possible to passionately pursue and do their dreams. Revitalize your dreams. Start today. Don’t just dream; dream BIG dreams! Put them in your heart, then put them on the wall, refrigerator, mirror … wherever you’ll see them often. Remind yourself you are more than worthy of everything your heart ever imagined. Believe, then diligently commit to a plan to achieve.
Resolve to live a life that ends the way you want it to; and don’t you dare, I say don’t you dare… die with your dreams still inside you.
Fran Briggs is the founder of The Fran Briggs Companies andis “a motivational speaker of the inspirational kind.” She isthe author of severalarticles, manuals and books including her latest, “Seedsfor Success.” This prominent voice of motivation speaks to audiences of children and adults of all ages and backgrounds with the aim of inspiring them to their respective levels of greatness. Fran can be contacted at Fran@franbriggs.com. Website: www.franbriggs.com
